we're blogging at a bar
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
