Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
