So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
