He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
