This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will be naked everywhere
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
