Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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