you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
