haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to make out with him forever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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