Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
