I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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