You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
