:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
