Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
