I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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