I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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