Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he just fucked me for my cheese..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
