All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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