Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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