You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
