omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
