Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
