im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
