I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were destined to go to rehab together
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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