history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
