Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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