So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
