He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
