i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
