Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
