Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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