I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
