why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
