6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
