we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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