Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
