Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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