Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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