i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sober January is a disaster.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
