Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
