It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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