Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My cat gives me a boner
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
