I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
