It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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