i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize