I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
