i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
