Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
