we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
