I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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