We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
