obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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