I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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