i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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