i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
