I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
